A Moment
by Maylana1129
Summary: A brief moment Audrey has after confessing her love for Nathan at the end of 04x06
1. Chapter 1 - A Moment

**Author's Note: **This is my first foray into fan fiction in general, and it takes place right after the events in 4x06, not too spoilery, but it won't make much sense if you haven't seen that episode. Hope you like it and take the time to let me know what you think. Thank you!

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It was the first time that she had said that she loved him. Well, maybe not the first time, but it was the first time he heard her say it. The last time she confessed her love, he was dead on the floor, and he obviously didn't hear her then. It wasn't like they both didn't know how they felt, it was the whole reason they were in the situation they were in, but somehow, they kept dancing around everything, and saying nothing.

It felt good to yell at him a little and tell him how she felt. It also felt good to turn her back and leave him open mouthed and shocked at her declaration. Maybe more of Lexie had stayed with her than she had thought. She felt bold and determined. It wasn't fair that he wanted more of her than he could give himself. They were where they were because he couldn't respect her decision to go into the barn and end the troubles. To her, it only seemed like a short time ago that she said the hardest goodbye she could have faced, but she knew he would be safe, she knew Duke would keep him from following her in. It was the hardest thing she had ever done, to turn her back and walk away from him.

But, she had done it, and he couldn't let her go. To know he had suffered so much in the past six months was heart breaking, but she couldn't excuse him for wanting to die, or for wanting her to see it as a reasonable course of action!

They were two pieces of the same puzzle, she understood that now. They kept being thrown together, whether she was Sarah, Audrey or Lexie. There had to be another way, and she was determined to find it. She was not going to kill the other half of her soul. When she was still in the barn, in those final moments before she threw herself through the door, she realized that she did have a huge gaping hole, a weight that seemed to sap her strength. When she looked through the door and saw the figures in the distance, when she heard _him, _calling 'Audrey' with such a sense of pain and longing, it cut right to that place where she felt empty inside. That voice resonated within her, pulled at her like she was tied to a string, and he was holding the other end. The pain and despair in his voice, the longing and need, how could she want to be any other than the person he was calling out for? When William told her that on the other side she would be the person she most wanted to be, in that instance before she stepped through, she knew what she wanted most was to be who _he_ was waiting for.

Hopefully, she could make him see. Make him understand that his plan wasn't going to happen. She had sacrificed too much, lost too many parts of herself to be willing to surrender to this.

She looked up and took notice of her surroundings for the first time since she had left the station. She was wandering aimlessly, but she had swung around and seemed to be walking back to the station. She didn't really have a plan when she left his office, but she knew she couldn't stay there right then. She decided to get back to her car and maybe go home. She needed to think, and that was hard when she was with him. The desires to alternately kiss him and hit him were definitely at war right now. It was so hard to have seen the hurt she was causing him the last couple of days when she was pushing him away by being Lexie. For someone so stoic, it seemed like she could read each emotion on his face as it occurred. She felt like lately, all she had been doing was to push him away. She wasted time they could have been together before she went into the barn. Her whole goal of protecting him was a failure. She should have known that it wouldn't work. Fate seems to be pushing them together, over and over again, and she was tired of fighting it. She wants him, wants to feel his arms around her, to feel safe, to feel the overwhelming depth of his emotions, and to finally let him see hers.

But, are they destined for that little two-story house with the white picket fence? Little league or ballet practice with their children? Growing old in their rocking chairs on the front porch? Somehow, she didn't think so, but if they were to have any chance, she had to find a way. Find a way to end the troubles, once and for all. Find a way that didn't include the death of anyone she loved. They had found their way out of bad situations before, if she could go into the barn and find her way back to him, and then anything was possible. Together, they were unstoppable.

She stopped walking and considered that. They were at their best when they were in sync, when they were focused on the same goal, when they were really like two halves of a whole. Maybe she could forgive him, forgive his unthinkable request, she needed him, and in more than one way.

It was then her phone rang. She looked at the display, but she knew who it was. She always knew when he was reaching out for her.

"Hello", she answered.

"I love you too," he said.

She closed her eyes, feeling the truth of it wash over her. They could do it, they could find a way. As long as they were together.


	2. Chapter 2 - Nathan's Moment

**Author's Note: **The feedback I got on the first chapter was positive, so I decided to write the same timeframe, but from Nathan's perspective. Maybe next, I'll write what happens when Audrey gets back to the station. Again, thanks for the reviews, I really appreciate it.

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His mind was reeling. He couldn't process what she had said for a few minutes, and by the time he was capable of coherent thought, she was gone. She had said the words he had longed to hear the past six months. He shook his head, if he was going to be honest with himself; he had wanted to hear them for much longer than that.

It's not like it was a secret, if they weren't so completely in love with each other, then they wouldn't be having such a hard time right now, but neither of them had voiced it, had made it a reality. When he had come back to himself, he jumped up, but she was gone.

He went back into his office, but he didn't sit down. He just stood there, staring at the desk she had just vacated. So many thoughts were running through his mind right now, not the least was the fact he was pissed that Duke knew before he did! He didn't like the connotations there. Audrey confided in Duke, but not him. Duke _saw_ her, where he didn't. AND Duke kept it from him. It really bothered him that Duke saw something that he didn't. After all, wasn't he the detective, not Duke? What did that say about the connection between Duke and Audrey?

He paced around the room like a caged animal. He didn't like where his thoughts were taking him. Duke hadn't spent the last six months mourning Audrey. To him, it was just the passage of a few minutes. The passage of time hadn't made the pain any less for him, though. His despair was just as deep as the day she left him, the day she willing walked away from him. Maybe that's why he didn't see, he was rooted too deep in his own mourning and self pity to notice what was around him.

She did walk away from him, left him behind. But that was so like her, to give up her happiness to save others. He knew she couldn't stay with him, not if it meant hurting so many others. But he was willing to go with her! He didn't care if he would have given up everything for a life in the barn with her. Instead, she had Duke hold a gun on him and walk away. Duke accepted her decision. Duke let her go, did that mean he loved her more or less than he did?

He sat back down, holding his head in his hands. All of this was old news, what mattered now is that she was back, she came back to him. She was a little different, and it wasn't just the hair and the piercings. She was more forward, more direct than he was used to her being. Maybe that was Lexie's influence, or maybe she was just fed up with all the dancing around each other they had been doing for so long.

She loved him. She said she loved him. They had never really gone on a date, and he would die for her. Was actively trying to die for her, but he was beginning to realize that his death wish wasn't borne out of wanting to save the town. It was out of guilt. He had made a selfish decision. He had tried to keep her from leaving him, and hadn't given a thought to the possible consequences. People had died, people had been hurt. He thought he had killed Audrey and Duke, and he was afraid to think too much about what had happened to James. He could tell himself that he had to die in order to make up for his selfishness, but if he was going to be truly honest, he just couldn't live with the pain and guilt of what he had done. He didn't deserve happiness, he didn't deserve her love.

It seemed he had it though. He lifted his head from his hands and thought about that. She had come back to him. Just when he thought all was lost, she appeared on the field and kissed him. He should have known it was Audrey just from that kiss. It wasn't the kiss of a stranger. It was the kiss of someone that was longing for him, needing him. At the time though, he didn't see that. All he could feel was the fact that he could _feel_. That she was in his arms, that she was home.

So, what was he going to do about it? She was being typically Parker stubborn and refusing to kill him. He had a feeling that it was like her decision to walk into the barn, that she had to do it freely and be willing to make the sacrifice. He didn't see that happening any time soon.

Was there any other solution? Could she be right, that they would just have to find a way to do one more impossible thing? If anyone could, it would be her. No, it would be _them_. He realized that now. They had to put away the hurt, the fear and the lies. They had to figure out a way to go forward, figure out a way to end the troubles that didn't include him dying at her hand. They didn't have the days ticking away like they were a few months ago. There was no barn coming for her this time.

He has to convince her that he understood now. He has to ask for her to forgive him, forgive his selfishness, forgive his self-pity, forgive all the pain he has caused. They have to start being honest, stop pushing each other away.

He took out his phone. He held it for a moment, feeling the fear. Fear that she was too mad, too hurt, too betrayed to forgive him. He took a deep breath, they had to start somewhere, and they had to work together if they were going to solve this. He had known that for a while now, that they were stronger together.

He dialed. He heard her pick up. "Hello", she said. He heard the trepidation in her voice; as if she was afraid of what he was going to say.

He took a deep breath; this was it, all or nothing time. "I love you too."


	3. Chapter 3 - After A Moment

**After The Moment**

**Author's Note: **This is the final installment of this scene, originally I hadn't intended on it being more than one section, just Audrey's thoughts, but the responses I received made me want to flush it out more. It's a little longer than the other two chapters. Hope you like it! And as always, thank you for the reviews!

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They really hadn't spoken since they left the police station. Nothing more than a non-committal noise here, or 'thank you' there when Nathan held the door to the Bronco open. Part of it was the fact that they didn't know who was listening or watching them, and neither of them had the strength to carry on the deception at the moment. But that was only part of it; they both were also very cautious and unsure of the other right now.

Audrey looked over at Nathan while he was driving. She studied his profile, and marveled at her quick thinking by calling him 'cheekbones' during their altercation with the Guard. She could see how the last six months had affected him. There were little lines around his eyes, a darkening under them; his posture was stiffer than usual. His whole demeanor was more closed in, like he was on the defensive. It hurt her to see him like this, like he was prepared to be attacked at any moment. She wanted to reach out to him, but resisted.

Nathan was aware of Audrey's eyes on him while he drove. He really didn't have any destination in mind, just somewhere that would be safe from the prying eyes of the Guard. He knew Jordan had bugged the station, but he had no idea of where else she may have gotten. He didn't feel like the Gull or Audrey's apartment were safe. They couldn't be out in the open, where the Guard may be watching. His mind drifted back to their conversation on the phone, however brief it was. It was so difficult to call and tell her he loved her, and now it was like that confession took all of his courage with it. He knew there was so much more to say, but he was weary. Weary of the searching, weary of the waiting and wondering, weary of steeling himself against all the people that hated him. Even though he would never admit it, he was grateful for the Chief preparing him to be strong, but he doubted even the Chief could have foreseen him shooting Agent Howard and destroying the barn.

He pulled up to the side of a path that led into the woods near where they had found the door. The field where she had come back to him. For some reason, he felt like the Guard wouldn't be keeping watch there. He turned off the engine and sat there a moment, holding the steering wheel.

"Nathan," Audrey said softly.

He turned to look at her. He wanted to just grab her and not let go. He never wanted to let her go again, but he kept his hands in front of him. He didn't think he could control himself if he had to deal with the sudden rush of sensation her touch would bring. "I'm sorry," he said, at almost a whisper.

"I know, " she replied. "We both are. I know how much pain you were in, and it killed me to lie to you about who I was. I just felt like you left me no choice."

Nathan shook his head. "I didn't. I was so positive that you would agree with me, and shoot me. I wasn't thinking clearly. For six months, I have been living with the horrible guilt of what I have done, knowing how many people I hurt with my selfishness. It was all I could do some days the keep on living."

"Duke said that when he found you, you were letting bikers hit you for money," she said. "How did you come up with that idea?"

Nathan looked away from her, like he didn't want to look at her while talking about how close to the bottom he came. "It just kind of happened once at the bar. It was on a bet. The bartender told us to take it outside, and one thing led to another when the bikers found out I couldn't feel it." He sighed. "I needed the money."

"I didn't kill James when I was Lucy, I don't know why you thought I would have killed you," Audrey stated.

Nathan looked back at her quickly at the mention of their son's name. "James," he said. "Do you know what happened to him? Did you see him in the barn?"

It was Audrey's turn to look away. "No," she said sadly. "I didn't see him when I went in, and I didn't see him when I was with William in the fake bar." She paused. "I don't know what happened to him. Maybe the barn kicked him out when Duke or I left. But I don't know. Howard said James couldn't exist outside of the barn now, that he was part of it." Her voice hitched, "I don't think he made it out before it was destroyed."

Nathan held his head in his hands. "Our son, I killed our son."

Audrey reached out for him, and he jumped when her skin made contact with his. He couldn't stop the flood of emotions and feeling that came along with her touch. He started to cry, something Audrey had never seen. He leaned into her touch and she slid over on the seat to reach him better. She held him while they wept for the child they had barely known.

After a few minutes, Nathan sat up straighter, but he didn't break contact with her hands. He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand, marveling in the feeling. "What do we do now?"

Audrey shook her head slowly. "I don't know. We'll figure it out, we always do."

"I don't think the Guard will wait forever," Nathan replied doubtfully.

"We don't need forever," Audrey answered. "Just long enough to find a solution. "Look, we weren't supposed to have this chance for twenty-seven more years. Hell, we weren't supposed to have this chance at all. I wasn't supposed to remember you. The 'why' we are here in this situation doesn't really matter anymore. It is what it is."

"I don't want to lose you. I feel like if I lose you then all the people that have been hurt or killed in the last six months were all for nothing," Nathan said. "I was wrong. I know that, but it can't have been all for nothing." When Audrey didn't reply, Nathan continued, "You asked me why I was happy you were back. In that moment, when you asked me that, I was only happy because we were together again. I wasn't thinking about my plan to end the Troubles."

Audrey looked up into his blue eyes, and he was looking back at her with such emotion, it seemed like her monosyllabic partner didn't exist anymore. "Maybe we were given another chance," she said slowly. "I don't know who William was, but I do know he wasn't part of the people Lexie imagined in the barn. He was real, as real as anyone could be there. Maybe I was supposed to come back, back to you and back to solve the Troubles once and for all."

Nathan was afraid of hoping that they had a happy ending in store for them. "I don't know what is going to happen, but I will do anything to make it all up to you. I know it was hard making the choice to go into the barn and essentially die. I know I had no right to do what I did. I'm done with the stupid, selfish choices."

Audrey looked at the man she loved. She looked at the pain and hope warring in his eyes. She felt like she could see into his soul and all the damage the last six months had done. "No more asking me to kill you?" she asked.

Nathan shook his head, "No more, I promise. Well, just in front of the Guard, for show?"

"We are going to have to keep up appearances, but I don't know if that will matter for much longer," she said. "Jordan knows, and that means the rest of the Guard will know, if they don't already. They can't force me to kill you. I really think it wouldn't work unless I wanted it to."

Nathan looked at her questioningly. "Why?"

"Howard told me going into the barn would only stop the Troubles if I went into it willingly. It had to be my choice," she explained. "I am sure killing you would be the same. I would have to make the sacrifice willingly, and it is something I will never do."

"So, what do we do then?" Nathan asked.

"First, I want your promise," Audrey demanded. "No more death wishes."

"I promise you," he said.

"We'll figure it out together," she replied. "For now we'll have to keep up appearances, I'll keep pretending to be Lexie, and you keep pretending that you are heartbroken. It will buy us some time to make a plan."

Nathan nodded, and then he paused. "I guess we'll have to get back to town. Until we know the Gull and your apartment is safe, we have to keep up appearances there too."

"I'm worried about Wade," Audrey said. "I don't know what Duke is going to do when he finds him. He doesn't have it in him to kill his own brother."

"If you asked me a few years ago, I probably would have disagreed with you on that," Nathan said. "I'll never admit it to him, but he is probably the only person I trust right now, except for maybe Dwight." He looked away again. "You know he loves you, don't you?"

Audrey thought carefully before she answered. "Yeah, I know. But I think he had started getting used to the idea that the Audrey he knew didn't exist anymore. Even though he figured out I was pretending pretty quick, I think he also sees that..." she trailed off.

"Sees what?" Nathan prompted.

"Sees that we are supposed to be together. He sees how much we love each other," she paused, waiting for his reaction.

Nathan looked down where they were still holding hands. "I loved you a little from the day we met. You weren't scared that your car was dangling off a cliff; you were more pissed at the inconvenience of the situation. I knew then that you were amazing."

"Yeah, that was a great moment, including five minutes later when we both had our guns drawn on each other," Audrey laughed.

"I tried with Jess, but I was just treading water," Nathan said. "And when you were with Chris, it almost killed me."

"Jordan almost killed me," Audrey replied. "Watching you with her was one of the hardest things I had to do. I think pushing you away was almost as hard as walking into that barn."

"I can't imagine spending another minute without you," Nathan said softly.

Audrey took his chin in her hand and forced him to look at her, her face inches from his. "Then we fix it. I don't want to keep pretending I don't feel what I feel. I've been doing that too long, we've wasted too much time."

Nathan looked deeply into her eyes. They sat there for a moment, still like neither of them wanted to move. Then, suddenly, they both moved in unison, coming together in a kiss so fierce, it was promise in itself. An oath they made to each other, now and for all the lifetimes they had to come.


End file.
